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Conflicts of Interest

Everything you ever wanted to know about conflicts at home, at work, or in the neighborhood.

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When Your Boss Won’t Change

February 6th, 2015 at Fri, 6th, 2015 at 2:52 pm by Vivian Scott

Who doesn’t have a list of things they’d like their manager to do differently?  Everything from the way he slurps that first cup of coffee in the morning to how he plays his staff against one another is a frustration.  Though it’s possible to make adjustments in any working relationship, there are still going to be some things that don’t change; no matter your efforts.  What then?  Here are a few ideas.

Give it one more (different) try:  Before you give up completely give it another shot.  But, this time try something new.  If the silent treatment hasn’t worked in the past, perhaps actually talking about the issue will.  Or, if you’ve asked him to stop doing something, maybe asking him to start doing the opposite will help him visualize what it is you’d like.  Be careful, though, not to gang up, speak for others, or be underhanded in your new approach.  The point here is for you to examine whether or not your method is getting in the way of a resolution.

Stop complaining:  The amount of energy you expend talking about, worrying about, and obsessing over your manager’s behavior is only draining you.  Plus, you may be alienating others with your constant complaints or myopic view of what’s happening.  Lamenting about your manager at work erodes your reputation and doesn’t change a thing.  If he gets wind of your criticisms from others, rest assured he will not be open to your assessment of his behavior; and he even may set out to prove that he’s the one with the power here, thank you very much.  Instead of becoming mired in your desire to change him, look for a different outlet for your attention and put your energy there.

Find the positive:  If the aforementioned coffee slurping manager has great mentoring skills, concentrate on that aspect of your working relationship and let the other stuff go.  See if you can find a learning opportunity in the situation. Maybe this is a chance for you to step outside yourself and extend a little compassion to him. Even feeling dumped on with extra work and big projects allows you to beef up your resume if and when you’re ready to leave.

Adapt:  If your boss is significantly set in his ways you may not be the first person to come along and try to change things.  Instead, try changing how you react to what’s happening.  Look for ways to respond to him when he pushes your buttons that won’t escalate your anxiety or cause your blood pressure to spike.  Is it possible that your expectations are what are causing your frustration?  Adapting to personal preferences for how another person behaves isn’t easy, but it’s certainly possible.

Plan your exit:  When you simply can’t handle your current situation, consider what’s important and follow a strategy for a period of time that feels comfortable and right for you. Your plan may include eventually leaving your present work environment, or you may decide that staying where you are is the best thing to help you reach your goal for a secure retirement, continued health benefits, or simply a good letter of recommendation. Knowing what you want (and when) helps you look beyond the current situation and temporary problems to something that more closely matches your needs.

Vivian Scott is a Professional Certified Mediator with a private practice serving King and Snohomish Counties. She is the author of, "Conflict Resolution at Work For Dummies" and a contributing author of "Thriving in the Workplace For Dummies" as well as "Managing All-in-One For Dummies" (Wiley Publishing). Ms. Scott is a Certified Mediator Member of the Washington Mediation Association and received their Outstanding Contributor Award in 2012. Her mediation cases range from assisting couples through divorce and parenting plans to creating new workplace environments for organizations of all sizes. You can learn more about Vivian by visiting her website at www.vivianscottmediation.com. or www.anytimeseminars.com

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