Everything you ever wanted to know about conflicts at home, at work, or in the neighborhood.
Poor Behavior #8: Talking More than You ListenMarch 26th, 2012 at Mon, 26th, 2012 at 7:33 am by Vivian Scott
I say, “Blah, blah, blah”, you say, “Blah, blah, blah”, nothing connects and then we’re both frustrated. #8 in our list of a dozen dirty behaviors that cause conflict at work is talking more than you listen.
Successful salespeople often close deals by first listening to their customer’s needs and then finding a way to respond with whatever it is they’re selling. If you follow their lead by developing the habit of starting most conversations with an open-ended question you’re sure to learn what your coworkers are focused on, what’s important to them, or where you might add value.
Trying to get a word in edgewise, though, with a talker can be challenging. When you have something to say but can’t find a place to jump in with your own thoughts, ask for the opportunity to do so. “When you’re ready, I have some ideas I’d like to share” is a great way to say, “Please be quiet long enough for me to say something” without offending the other person. Practice what you’ll say before you bring up ideas and then ask for uninterrupted time to deliver a succinct message. Another strategy is to let the other person talk as much as he wants and at some point let him know that you have something to say when he’s finished. While he’s talking make sure you’re following good listening techniques so he knows you hear and understand his point of view. Otherwise he may start repeating himself and you’re back to square one waiting for your turn to talk. Avoid “fake listening” which is when you’ve pointed your face in the right direction but what’s coming in sounds more like Charlie Brown’s teacher’s “Wa, Wa, Wa” than it does something you could repeat for a pop quiz. Maintain attentive eye contact—staring blankly in the other person’s direction is not attentive eye contact.
Listening more than you’re talking also includes showing you’re engaged by exhibiting open and receptive body language. Nodding and sitting up will demonstrate your interest. Take some notes for the purpose of reflecting back the information you’ve heard. Bring your own notes so when it’s your turn to talk you know what you’d like to say rather than trying to keep on ongoing list in your head while the other person is talking; your notes will also help you avoid interrupting.
In any conversation, asking questions to clarify or gain better understanding is always a good thing. A good friend likes to remind me that we have two ears and one mouth in the right proportion; which is our clue to listen twice as much as we talk.