Conflicts of Interest
Everything you ever wanted to know about conflicts at home, at work, or in the neighborhood.
At a Loss For Words
August 4th, 2010 at Wed, 4th, 2010 at 10:26 am by Vivian ScottIt’s tough finding encouraging and insightful words when a friend comes to you with news that (s)he’s headed for a breakup. I’ve noticed that most people either want to put down their friend’s soon-to-be ex or talk up the friend’s amazing ability to cope with anything. How often have you heard, “Well, if anyone can handle this, you can”? Agh!—talk about pressure to keep it together when everything is falling apart! If it doesn’t feel good for you to hear things like that, you may want to rethink such a response before offering it up to someone else.
I decided long ago that it’s not my place to make people feel better about sad or disappointing breakups—only they can do that for themselves. I finally (after way too many years of poor and awkward responses!) came to the conclusion that when my friends and family face conflict, the best thing I can do is listen, ask good questions, and let them process the disappointments, frustrations, and regrets. I might even say, “Let me know if you’d like me to give you my thoughts” and if they want, I’ll share a few insights. Otherwise, I zip it and let them talk.
What about you? How do you respond?
Vivian Scott Vivian Scott is a Professional Certified Mediator with a private practice serving King and Snohomish Counties. She is the author of, "Conflict Resolution at Work For Dummies" and a contributing author of "Thriving in the Workplace For Dummies" (Wiley Publishing). A certified member of the Washington Mediation Association she was nominated for the 2010 Mediator of the Year Award in response to her outreach efforts. Her mediation cases range from assisting couples through divorce and parenting plans to creating new workplace environments for organizations of all sizes. You can learn more about Vivian by visiting her website at www.vivianscottmediation.com.
More articles by Vivian Scott >
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