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Conflicts of Interest

Everything you ever wanted to know about conflicts at home, at work, or in the neighborhood.

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A Change is Comin’

October 14th, 2014 at Tue, 14th, 2014 at 5:17 am by Vivian Scott

This is just a quick thought for today.

I’ve noticed a pattern during the private meeting portion of the mediations I manage.  The intention of this one-on-one is to uncover what’s really at the heart of the matter and to help the person share that issue with the other party in a meaningful way when we’re all back in the room. This confidential conversation starts with me asking a question or two and often results in a ride down a road littered with signs demanding that the other guy change.  Of course people should ask for what they want—that’s an important part of resolving conflict—but hurling out demand after demand after demand makes it nearly impossible for two people to get it together.

So, I have found myself asking a simple question: “What would you do if you had to create a solution that didn’t involve change for the other person?”  I’ve come to realize that there is truth in the adage that states that in almost every situation you can only change yourself.  I’ve also come to realize that the bonus in adopting that philosophy is that when you change yourself you absolutely change the other person.

I’m just sayin’.

Vivian Scott is a Professional Certified Mediator with a private practice serving King and Snohomish Counties. She is the author of, "Conflict Resolution at Work For Dummies" and a contributing author of "Thriving in the Workplace For Dummies" as well as "Managing All-in-One For Dummies" (Wiley Publishing). Ms. Scott is a Certified Mediator Member of the Washington Mediation Association and received their Outstanding Contributor Award in 2012. Her mediation cases range from assisting couples through divorce and parenting plans to creating new workplace environments for organizations of all sizes. You can learn more about Vivian by visiting her website at www.vivianscottmediation.com. or www.anytimeseminars.com

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